


Lovesick

by foucqre



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, serial killer au, the theme of this one is be gay do crime that's all you need to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28457442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foucqre/pseuds/foucqre
Summary: Boy meets boy, each becomes a witness, then accessory to each other's crime, and they might just do crime together.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 24
Kudos: 85





	Lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> all blame for this goes to my scan group server who peer-pressured me, out of love, into writing this

Tobio Kageyama has had a really long fucking day, and getting rid of the body really isn't helping anything. 

It began with the mix-up that nearly cost him his shot at the target. Apparently the target had a twin, and it was the twin that Kageyama currently had his sights on. _Great_ , he thinks, _a mistake like this is exactly why our service is the cheapest on the market_. But it's still business so he goes to the proper location and wow, the actual target is pathetic. He has the audacity to try and bribe Kageyama, even going so far as to beg for his life. Kageyama hates desperate people, and he hates guilty people even more. 

So maybe Kageyama is more than a little pissed at this point. When he shoots, he makes sure he misses any arteries. The man screams, clutching his wound, and Kageyama lets him bleed out for a bit. 

"Oops. I missed." He shoots again, this time the bullet hits the man between the eyes and he gives a few pathetic twitches before finally stilling. When Kageyama calls in upper management, letting them know the job was done, he gets told that the cleaners wouldn't be available to help him. What the fuck. He looks at the bloody scene before him, groaning at the thought of cleaning up. Maybe he shouldn't have let the man bleed out so much... The blood is seeping into the white rug now. Great. 

"Alright," he says, to himself or maybe to the corpse at his feet. "Alright. No time like the present." So he hauls the body into a convenient garbage bag and drags it into the well-stocked garage. He'd seen a table saw in there on his way in, and now it's about to prove itself useful. 

Several hours and dismembered body parts later, the body is neatly packed in several smaller plastic bags. The scene of the crime is spotless, smells like a pool's worth of bleach, and is notably missing a white rug. Not a bad job, if he says so himself, getting into his victim's car. The car's previous owner, currently stuffed in the trunk, did not object. 

All he had to do now was toss the dismembered body parts around the nearby lake or forest. As he drives, he looks forward to a peaceful month while waiting for his next assignment. 

Now this was supposed to be the easy part, but life hates Tobio Kageyama. He gets to his usual drop-off spot and runs into the worst kind of person in his line of work: a witness. Great, more collateral damage. He resigns himself to killing another person (two in a day!) but stops short when he realizes what the other person is holding.  
His sudden footfall catches the attention of the orange-haired boy at the edge of the lake.

"Oh, hey!" The boy glances at him once then resumes tossing what looked like human remains into the lake. "What's up?" 

Tobio has never met this guy in his life, and is mildly disconcerted that he acts like they're oh so close. That and the dead body too, he supposes. "I don't know you."

"Whoops, my bad!" He scratches his head sheepishly. "I'm Hinata!" He waves a dismembered arm in greeting. Kageyama lifts a hand and waves it, his arms still occupied by the rug.

Still, it doesn't look like this guy counts as a witness. Even if he reports Kageyama's murder, Kageyama can just report him back, and then they'll both be sad in jail. He approaches the boy warily, clutching the rug with the dismembered man wrapped in it. 

Hinata looks at the rug and then back at him. "Need some help with that?" 

"No, thanks, I'm fine." Kageyama is not, but he will keep pretending that he is. He walks up to the water's edge and drop the rug, body parts and all, watching it sink below the surface. The orange-haired boy is also done with what whatever he's doing, so he watches Kageyama instead. 

"Woah, won't that, like, float or something? And the body parts will resurface and the victim will get identified and you'll be a suspect, right? " 

Kageyama has hit his capacity to get annoyed, and just gives him a monotone answer. "The body has been dismembered beforehand. Fingerprints, teeth, anything that can identify him are gone, too. There's a wire mesh inside the rug, weighed down by concrete, so it sinks and no body part can resurface even if the rug decays." 

His eyes are still on the bubbles the rug leaves as it sinks. Kageyama misses the wondrous look on the boy's face; eyes shining, face flushing, pure, unbridled awe, and all that jazz. 

"Oh, wow." Hinata hasn't felt this way about anyone, or maybe even _anything_ , since... ever, now that he thinks about it. "Do you, uh, do this often?" 

"It's my job after all," Kageyama shrugs. 

"You get paid for this?" Kageyama just shrugs again. Hinata has to clutch his chest. "Wow, when I kill people it's like _'noo that's wrong and disgusting'_ but you do it and you get paid."

"It is what it is," says Kageyama and he gets up to leave, satisfied that the rug hit rock bottom. 

No, he can't leave yet! Hinata needs to know more about him! And maybe keep him, maybe forever, whether he likes it or not. He- Wait, he's leaving and Hinata doesn't even know his name. "I never caught your name." 

"I never threw it." Kageyama is in the driver's seat now. "You don't need it. I saw nothing, and neither did you. Clear?" 

"Yeah, but-" 

"Good." With that, Kageyama drives off and doesn't think of the strange boy by the lake again. 

* * *

Well, at least he tries to. Nobody could fault him for occasionally thinking about the serial killer he possibly met and the dismembered bodies they definitely disposed of together. But right now he needs to focus on his current hit. 

The coffee in front of Kageyama sits untouched. He's busy pretending to read the newspaper, hoping no one realizes he's actually studying the building across the café. Third floor window, fourth from the right, striped blue curtains. The curtains are shut, and light from within outlines a figure at a desk. He's been watching it for a week now, never from the same place or time. 

The figure has been there for the past three hours. Same routine, the sixth night in a row. Get home around 4pm. Climb the stairs to the apartment for 5 minutes. Open the curtains while cooking dinner. Close the curtains and turn on the lights by 6pm. Stay at the desk until sunrise. Leave by 8 am. Come home by 4pm. Repeat. 

It's predictable; an easy kill after the previous fiasco. He looks down at the newspaper and doesn't read a single word. Instead, he contemplates about how he planned to kill his target. A gun would be too loud, and the walls would be thin. He'd decided on a faked heart attack; the target was certainly at an age for that to be plausible. A single syringe of air in a blood vessel would be easy enough to do and nearly untraceable. 

So he goes to do just that. Kageyama sneaks in when he knows that the target will be asleep at her desk. The fire exit was easily accessible from outside and within seconds he's at her door. He checks to make sure she's actually asleep, but readies a rag of chloroform just in case she wakes up. He pulls up her foot to use the syringe between her toes. Autopsy reports will never find it. She doesn't wake up when he pricks her skin, and now she never will. 

Kageyama was also instructed to take all the files she was working on, so he starts gathering all the loose documents and folders strewn about the room. He doesn't read whatever they say. He couldn't care less about those details; besides, they were in another language, under a dozen ciphers. He could be risking his life for an omelet recipe or coordinates to a nuclear silo and he'd never know. 

Well, at least this time he doesn't have to take care of the body. The cleaning crew finally has their shit together and would fix up this place by tomorrow. All he needed to do was get out of here. That's it. Except...

Except the door he assumes must lead to the bathroom is slightly ajar. On the off chance that there might be more files there, he pushes it open. The door hits a decidedly fleshy lump instead of a wall. 

"Oomph," says the door, rather, the person trying to hide behind it. Stepping inside the bathroom, Kageyama finds the weird boy from the lake the other month rubbing his reddened nose. 

"You." A headache starts to bloom behind Kageyama's eyes. 

"Yes, me!" The boy-- Hinata, he thinks-- seems glad that Kageyama remembers him. "And you! What a coincidence. You come here often?" 

"You need to leave. Now." 

"Aww, come on, don't be like that. I'll help you hide the body?" 

"Why are you here? _How_ are you here?" 

Hinata waves a dismissive hand. "That doesn't matter. Ha. Ha. So, the body." 

"It's under control. My team is ready to dispose of it. Leave." 

"Argh. You're no fun. You know what, I--" Hinata cuts himself off as he dashes forward. Kageyama blinks and the little orange gremlin now has the briefcase with the files he needs. 

"There! I'll, uh. Hm, I didn't think I'd get this far."

"Give it back." 

"Oh yeah! I won't give it back 'til we go get rid of that body. Together." That last word is stressed to the point of being threatening, but suddenly Hinata flushes and clutches the bag closer to his chest. "And maybe... Coffee, later?" 

Kageyama ignores the last part entirely "...Are you blackmailing me into letting you help me hide a body?" 

"You finally get it!" Hinata jumps with both hands outstretched. The files nearly get tipped into the bathtub before Hinata catches himself. "Whoops," he says, briefcase and files once more securely hugged to his chest. "Nearly fucked up your job there haha." 

The headache is joined by something that feels like a heartburn, but could just as easily be a heart attack. Kageyama pinches the bridge of his nose. "Let's just get this over with," he grinds out. He lets out a strained breath and pulls up his phone, calling a familiar number. "Yeah, yeah, it's done. Listen, I don't need the cleaners right now." He could feel Hinata's wide, shining eyes fixed on him as he made the call. "Yes. No. Fuck you too, bye." He hangs up decisively and turns back to Hinata, who was pretending that he wasn't eavesdropping at all. "Let's do this," he says, tone final. 

And that's how Kageyama finds himself driving to the woods at 2 AM to scatter dismembered body parts for the animals to scavenge. He drives wordlessly, letting Hinata do enough talking for the both of them. 

"--nd then there was this kid they called the Little Giant-- well he isn't a kid now, but he was a kid back then-- and he's an adult now, but he still gets called the Little Giant-- which is really consistent branding by the way--" 

Kageyama tunes most of it out, content to enjoy the way Hinata was so animated even when talking about serial killers. Which, wait. Kageyama comes to realize that he is in a car, at 2 AM, with a probable serial killer. Well, two serial killers, technically, but he's not counting himself. Still, most people probably would have been a little more concerned at this turn of events. _He_ should probably be concerned. 

Instead, Kageyama finds himself at peace, of all things. He thinks maybe it's because he isn't like most people; this might be the first time he feels truly seen. It's a stupid thought to have since it's a guarantee that most people aren't killers-for-hire. It's a _really_ stupid thought, but Kageyama agrees with it anyway because he decides that he deserves to be stupid sometimes. 

"-like-- you know how-- oh hey, we're here." Hinata has to tap him on the shoulder twice before he registers it. 

They were? Kageyama blinks once, twice, remembering what they actually came here to do. "Yeah," he says finally. "We are."

"Aren't you scared that they'll find the remains here?" 

"The forest likely isn't going to be checked soon. It'll take a few weeks at the very least, and by then it'll be digested or decomposed beyond much use. Plus, the parts are too small and scattered to be helpful." 

Hinata feels that familiar pull in his stomach that seems to stem from being around Kageyama. It seems to pop up even more strongly when Kageyama talks about his methods like that. It's like nothing he's ever felt before. It's a rush, a thrill and yet it feels so familiar, like it's something that he should know but he's never even thought about before. Was this happiness? Holy shit, other people got to feel this way all the time? Hinata must have been really missing out. 

Kageyama loads the rest of their tools in the truck of the car. "There. We've successfully hidden a body together, cue the fireworks. Now the briefcase, hand it over." 

"No way! I said coffee, too." 

"We both smell like death and look like shit. I don't want to." 

"Then- then tell me your name!" 

"Kageyama." Hinata looks dumbstruck, clearly not expecting him to give in so quickly. At his silence, Kageyama plucks the briefcase from Hinata's unresisting arms. He turns and walks back to the car, already in the driver's seat before he noticed that the boy hadn't followed him. He looks out the window, ready to call him in, but Hinata was still transfixed. 

The moonlight filtering through the trees seemed to soften him, make him look younger and more vulnerable than he really was. Hinata was staring at his hands and mumbling something to himself over and over. Kageyama snaps himself out of the trance he was in, realizing that he'd just spent a whole minute staring (dreamily, some would argue) at the serial killer who blackmailed him. God, he was pathetic.

Instead of blushing over it, he yells, "Hey dumbass are you getting in or what?"

"-eyama? Ka- oh!" Hinata cups his hands around his mouth to yell back, even though they were at most six feet apart. "I'm good! Thanks for a fun night!" Great, now all of the forest knew where they were. He waves to Kageyama, his entire body swaying like a reed, then he turns and skips. He _skips_ into the forest. 

"....Well." Kageyama sighs as he starts the car. At least now he can look forward to a few weeks of quiet.

* * *

It was hilarious how Kageyama actually thought that he'd get any kind of reprieve.

There's a lot to be said about the mishaps he's had this past month, but he doesn't think about it. He refuses to consider that he might be getting... sloppy. He's distracted, that's it, and he doesn't want to admit that Hinata might be the reason. But that's ridiculous, of course. Hinata has nothing to do with all this. Kageyama just needs to focus again. His next job should be here soon, and he should just think about the target and his methods. And then he'll feel normal again. 

A few hours later, he nearly snaps his pencil in his grip. After decoding the file, he stares at the name for a whole minute, blinking slowly. Shōyō Hinata. Well, he supposes, as a self-confessed serial killer, Hinata definitely had it coming. And yet, Kageyama doesn't want to do it. He just doesn't for some reason. It's probably because it's a serial killer, he decides in the end. And so he spends a whole stalling-- no- preparing for their encounter. Except he accidentally stalls for three whole months now. Usually, he has the job done in 2 weeks, max. But this is different. 

It's not like he lacks the opportunity to do it. It seemed like the orange gremlin was a huge fan of places where one might reasonably get away with murder. An empty alleyway, an abandoned warehouse, even a peaceful walk in the forest away from any witnesses, somehow Hinata would find him and plaster himself to his side. It was... almost endearing, in a way, and Kageyama struggles to find the resolve to kill. 

_Today_ , Kageyama thinks. _It has to be today_. He has his knife, which is probably all he needs, but he also brings a gun, a machete, chloroform, and more things he probably won't use. He tells himself it's because he wants to be prepared and not because he's stalling even more. 

He didn't have to try all that hard to find his target. In fact, Hinata always seemed to be one step away from just offering up his neck to Kageyama himself. That just made his job easier, sort of. Here he was, Hinata pinned against the wall and his knife against the boy's throat. The knife is in his hand, but his heart isn't in it.

"Do you want me to kill you?" It's a soft whisper, mostly to himself. Kageyama's hands don't tremble, he's too good at his job for that, but his voice does. Hinata doesn't bat an eye at the knife, content to just smile unblinkingly at his would-be killer.

"Well, the easy answer might be yes. I got these weird feelings and it almost feels like a burning itch, and I figured the only way I could get it out is to have you kill me. You know, like your job." 

"W-wait, how do you know about that--"

"Um, well, who did you think your client was?"

"You hired me, to kill yourself."

"Yeah, you get it!" It's unsettling how calm, almost happy, Hinata is right now, so close to his death, at Kageyama's hands.

"I-" Kageyama just doesn't have the words right now. His grip on the knife loosens, and maybe so does his grip on his own sanity. The knife clatters to the tile floor and they both stare at it. He laughs. He doesn't know how, or why he started laughing, but he can't find any other way to respond to something like that. He laughs because if he doesn't he knows he'll start screaming and maybe never stop. He sinks to the floor and sits with his back to the wall, his feet currently unable to support his own weight. Beside him, Hinata ignores any personal space he has to sit with their thighs touching.

"You don't really want me to kill you." Kageyama picks up the knife where it fell, turning it in his hand.

"... No." Hinata's eyes are fixed on the glinting metal, too.

"I don't really want to kill you either."

"You don't?" It's ridiculous how happy that makes the orange gremlin. He looks like someone promised to paint the stars for him, instead of promising to do the barest minimum of respecting human life. "But like, if you ever wanna, you totally can. I'm consenting and all that."

"You're consenting to your murder?"

"Yeah! Murder is consensual if both parties agree, right?"

"I-" Kageyama dumbstruck for the second time in a row. "Yeah, sure."

There's a beat of silence, and Kageyama turns the knife to look at Hinata in its reflective surface. 

"...What do we do now?" He'd never had a situation where the client was his own target. 

Hinata didn't think he'd get this far. Though, to be fair, he didn't think much in other circumstances either. "I guess I could, I don't know, help you?"

"With the murders?"

"With the murders!" 

It's the most ridiculous proposal Kageyama's heard in a while; but then again, he's currently in a ridiculous situation himself. Maybe that's why it sounds like a wonderful idea.

"Fine. You can help with the murders," Kageyama says, and that's that. Hinata very nearly blinds him with a smile like the sun, and tackles him into a hug. Kageyama, still clutching the knife, flails a little more than he'd like to admit before settling into the hug. Hinata brings a hand to his cheek, determined to kiss the living daylights out of him, and Kageyama almost lets him. 

"Is that- is that blood?" Hinata's hand came away wet and stained with red. Kageyama touches his cheek, also wet with probably-blood, but the skin remained unbroken.

"Hm?" Hinata doesn't register it until Kageyama forcibly bring his hand to his own face. "Oh, yeah, haha. I think I got stabbed when I tried to hug you." Hinata looks dazedly at the blood pooling around his torso. He gasps, gesturing at the wound. "Love at first stab!" At Kageyama's alarmed stare, he adds, "I love you, by the way." He passes out right then, leaving Kageyama to hold bear a sudden weight. 

"...Idiot." The wound wasn't deep, but it might have been bleeding unattended for a while. He'd take Hinata to the ER, but he doubted it was serious. It probably wasn't that serious if the idiot could pull through with a confession of undying love before passing out. Still, love, huh?

"Love at first stab indeed." 

**Author's Note:**

> [i'm still on tumblr in the year of our lord 2020](https://silver-parseltongues.tumblr.com/)


End file.
